Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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