i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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