i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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