Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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