Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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