I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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