And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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