Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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