What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
