So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
