So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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