just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize