i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
