the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
