he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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