You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
