He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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