I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
