At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
