So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
