WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
