The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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