Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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