he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
