My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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