I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
