I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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