i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
