I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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