you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize