I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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