There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
