It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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