I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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