I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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