Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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