guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
