There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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