What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I party with great urgency now.
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