tell your sister to shave her snatch
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
