I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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