Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
