My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
