Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
