Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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