ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
