I seem to have left my pride at pride
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
