Plan B is the new Plan A
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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