he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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