I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no you cant smoke seaweed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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