I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
