Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
