he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
