the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
