I wish I could punch you in the face.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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