I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
