finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
