But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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