I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
