I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
