You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
