No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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