I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
