I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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