i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
