WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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