Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
