no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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