i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
