I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
