I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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