Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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