Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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