Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
