she woke up with a sticky ear
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
