I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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