I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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