he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize