Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
