I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
tell me about the eggs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
