who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How does one acquire holy water?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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