i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
